Monday, June 28, 2010
Sunday, June 20, 2010
A Tale Of Two Titties
So the other day I'm at this titty bar, and it's not just any titty bar, but the kind that opens two hours earlier and closes two hours later then any of the others. What that also means is that its twice as dirty and the girls are twice as nasty then at any other as well. So I finish my 4th lap dance with the least fugliest dancer and she tells me i owe her 80 bucks. And I'm like, Bullshit I only owe you 20. She goes, No, it's 20$ per dance, you got four so it's 80 total. I say, I know how many dances I got, but they only cost at most 5$ per dance, not 20$, that's just ridiculous. She's gets all annoyed at me and asks why I think they only cost 5$. I say, Look, there's a big board over there above the bar, it says Tuna Grinder 5$, Roast beef w/ Cheese 5$, Chili Dog 3$, etc. I figured you're the Tuna, she's the Roast beef and that handsome "lady" over there has to be the Chili Dog. Then she starts laughing at me, and she insults me. She asks, "How stupid are you? That's the lunch menu, ya idiot", she says. And I'm like, First of all, stupid? Really? I told you my name is Ben Franklin and I discovered electricity and you said "Ooooh I've always loved electricity!" and asked me if it really was yellow. Secondly, who the fuck is eating anything that was made in here? It smells like you use Mr Clean's piss to wash the floors. And lastly, I'll tell you who the idiot is, it's the guy coming in here ordering the Pulled Pork sandwich and spending 20$ for a lap dance with a woman who looks like her nickname is the "Chili Dog". That guys a fucking moron, this here is just a misunderstanding. Here's 40 bucks, have a nice life, and go buy yourself some Valtrex. She goes, "Thanks Ben, ya big sweetie, come back real soon now, okay?"
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Sluts
Do you remember a time when you thought sluts were a magical gift from god put onto his earth just for your pleasure? I remember way back when before I'd commit to going anywhere I'd want to know the slut situation first. And there was no limit to how far I'd travel in order to improve on that situation. You'd always want to put yourself in the position of being surrounded by as many sluts as possible, better odds that way. I'd ask "Will there be sluts there?" and the answer would be something like "Sluts by the handful bro" and for some reason that was a good thing.
The problem with sluts is if they're not getting fucked, then they're useless. You see, the only asset a slut brings to any social situation is their slutability. So if you have no interest in fucking them, then you have no interest in them at all. All of their stories suck and end the same, with them either on their back, knees or down on all fours. And generally as a breed, they're not an intelligent people, so they can contribute nothing to a conversation.
I listened to a group of them play a game called "Never Have I Ever". The name doesn't even make any fucking sense cuz there isn't anything that they have never, ever done, or won't do. Never have i ever fucked 9 guys in 24 hours. They all drank. Never have i ever gave road head to a midget. They all drank. Never have i ever given a "Famous Amos" to a busboy at Chiles. They still all fucking drank, what does that even mean and how can all of you have done it to Chiles busboys? They're literally boasting to strangers about committing sex acts that no ones ever even heard of, like they're proud to be on the cutting edge of Slut-dom. Here's one for you sluts, Never have i ever read a book, i drink, you don't.
Once you grow up and become part of a committed relationship you are no longer interested in their loose lips or dirty tits, so you don't want them around. I'd make them wrap their vaginal and ass regions in a plastic bag before letting them enter my home. And I'd wear a SARs mask. I don't want any of their fluids leaking out from the little to no underwear they're wearing and getting on any of the furniture. I don't want one of them giving my couch herpes, or worse.
No man meets a slut and thinks about taking her out to a nice dinner and buying her flowers. No man meets a slut and thinks that one day he's going to marry her. No, when a man meets a slut, all he thinks about is what he's going to put into her, where he's going to put it, and how long it will take to accomplish this. Nobody builds long term future plans based around a slut. Women get taken care of, Women get married, Women get loved. Sluts just get fucked.
BTW this rant is inspired by actual people/events, I'm not just trying to be funny or mean. Two sluts took it upon themselves to single-handedly ruin mine, my fiances and all of our friends Memorial Day weekend. And also in the process, may have ruined all future Memorial/Labor Day weekends for us. So here's to you sluts, you know who you are. Unfortunately i don't have any pictures of the sluts in question to post here, but below are pictures of me getting all fat guy in a little fur coat that one of them owned. This happened before they got all crazy slutty and ruined everything.
The problem with sluts is if they're not getting fucked, then they're useless. You see, the only asset a slut brings to any social situation is their slutability. So if you have no interest in fucking them, then you have no interest in them at all. All of their stories suck and end the same, with them either on their back, knees or down on all fours. And generally as a breed, they're not an intelligent people, so they can contribute nothing to a conversation.
I listened to a group of them play a game called "Never Have I Ever". The name doesn't even make any fucking sense cuz there isn't anything that they have never, ever done, or won't do. Never have i ever fucked 9 guys in 24 hours. They all drank. Never have i ever gave road head to a midget. They all drank. Never have i ever given a "Famous Amos" to a busboy at Chiles. They still all fucking drank, what does that even mean and how can all of you have done it to Chiles busboys? They're literally boasting to strangers about committing sex acts that no ones ever even heard of, like they're proud to be on the cutting edge of Slut-dom. Here's one for you sluts, Never have i ever read a book, i drink, you don't.
Once you grow up and become part of a committed relationship you are no longer interested in their loose lips or dirty tits, so you don't want them around. I'd make them wrap their vaginal and ass regions in a plastic bag before letting them enter my home. And I'd wear a SARs mask. I don't want any of their fluids leaking out from the little to no underwear they're wearing and getting on any of the furniture. I don't want one of them giving my couch herpes, or worse.
No man meets a slut and thinks about taking her out to a nice dinner and buying her flowers. No man meets a slut and thinks that one day he's going to marry her. No, when a man meets a slut, all he thinks about is what he's going to put into her, where he's going to put it, and how long it will take to accomplish this. Nobody builds long term future plans based around a slut. Women get taken care of, Women get married, Women get loved. Sluts just get fucked.
BTW this rant is inspired by actual people/events, I'm not just trying to be funny or mean. Two sluts took it upon themselves to single-handedly ruin mine, my fiances and all of our friends Memorial Day weekend. And also in the process, may have ruined all future Memorial/Labor Day weekends for us. So here's to you sluts, you know who you are. Unfortunately i don't have any pictures of the sluts in question to post here, but below are pictures of me getting all fat guy in a little fur coat that one of them owned. This happened before they got all crazy slutty and ruined everything.
Sluts
Do you remember a time when you thought sluts were a magical gift from god put onto his earth just for your pleasure? I remember way back when before I'd commit to going anywhere I'd want to know the slut situation first. And there was no limit to how far I'd travel in order to improve on that situation. You'd always want to put yourself in the position of being surrounded by as many sluts as possible, better odds that way. I'd ask "Will there be sluts there?" and the answer would be something like "Sluts by the handful bro" and for some reason that was a good thing.
The problem with sluts is if they're not getting fucked, then they're useless. You see, the only asset a slut brings to any social situation is their slutability. So if you have no interest in fucking them, then you have no interest in them at all. All of their stories suck and end the same, with them either on their back, knees or down on all fours. And generally as a breed, they're not an intelligent people, so they can contribute nothing to a conversation.
I listened to a group of them play a game called "Never Have I Ever". The name doesn't even make any fucking sense cuz there isn't anything that they have never, ever done, or won't do. Never have i ever fucked 9 guys in 24 hours. They all drank. Never have i ever gave road head to a midget. They all drank. Never have i ever given a "Famous Amos" to a busboy at Chiles. They still all fucking drank, what does that even mean and how can all of you have done it to Chiles busboys? They're literally boasting to strangers about committing sex acts that no ones ever even heard of, like they're proud to be on the cutting edge of Slut-dom. Here's one for you sluts, Never have i ever read a book, i drink, you don't.
Once you grow up and become part of a committed relationship you are no longer interested in their loose lips or dirty tits, so you don't want them around. I'd make them wrap their vaginal and ass regions in a plastic bag before letting them enter my home. And I'd wear a SARs mask. I don't want any of their fluids leaking out from the little to no underwear they're wearing and getting on any of the furniture. I don't want one of them giving my couch herpes, or worse.
No man meets a slut and thinks about taking her out to a nice dinner and buying her flowers. No man meets a slut and thinks that one day he's going to marry her. No, when a man meets a slut, all he thinks about is what he's going to put into her and where he's going to put it, and how long it will take to accomplish this. Nobody builds long term future plans based around a slut. Women get taken care of, Women get married, Women get loved. Sluts just get fucked.
BTW this rant is inspired by actual people/events, I'm not just trying to be funny or mean. Two sluts took it upon themselves to single-handedly ruin mine, my fiances and all of our friends Memorial Day weekend. And also in the process, may have ruined all future Memorial/Labor Day weekends for us. So here's to you sluts, you know who you are. Unfortunately i don't have any pictures of the sluts in question to post here, but below are pictures of me getting all fat guy in a little fur coat that one of them owned. Apparently it's a real fur. This happened before they got all crazy slutty and ruined everything.
The problem with sluts is if they're not getting fucked, then they're useless. You see, the only asset a slut brings to any social situation is their slutability. So if you have no interest in fucking them, then you have no interest in them at all. All of their stories suck and end the same, with them either on their back, knees or down on all fours. And generally as a breed, they're not an intelligent people, so they can contribute nothing to a conversation.
I listened to a group of them play a game called "Never Have I Ever". The name doesn't even make any fucking sense cuz there isn't anything that they have never, ever done, or won't do. Never have i ever fucked 9 guys in 24 hours. They all drank. Never have i ever gave road head to a midget. They all drank. Never have i ever given a "Famous Amos" to a busboy at Chiles. They still all fucking drank, what does that even mean and how can all of you have done it to Chiles busboys? They're literally boasting to strangers about committing sex acts that no ones ever even heard of, like they're proud to be on the cutting edge of Slut-dom. Here's one for you sluts, Never have i ever read a book, i drink, you don't.
Once you grow up and become part of a committed relationship you are no longer interested in their loose lips or dirty tits, so you don't want them around. I'd make them wrap their vaginal and ass regions in a plastic bag before letting them enter my home. And I'd wear a SARs mask. I don't want any of their fluids leaking out from the little to no underwear they're wearing and getting on any of the furniture. I don't want one of them giving my couch herpes, or worse.
No man meets a slut and thinks about taking her out to a nice dinner and buying her flowers. No man meets a slut and thinks that one day he's going to marry her. No, when a man meets a slut, all he thinks about is what he's going to put into her and where he's going to put it, and how long it will take to accomplish this. Nobody builds long term future plans based around a slut. Women get taken care of, Women get married, Women get loved. Sluts just get fucked.
BTW this rant is inspired by actual people/events, I'm not just trying to be funny or mean. Two sluts took it upon themselves to single-handedly ruin mine, my fiances and all of our friends Memorial Day weekend. And also in the process, may have ruined all future Memorial/Labor Day weekends for us. So here's to you sluts, you know who you are. Unfortunately i don't have any pictures of the sluts in question to post here, but below are pictures of me getting all fat guy in a little fur coat that one of them owned. Apparently it's a real fur. This happened before they got all crazy slutty and ruined everything.
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