Has anyone seen the commercials for this new bourbon called "Devil's Cut"? Apparently the folks over at Jim Beam found a way to extract the bourbon that was trapped within the wood of the barrel resulting in a new 90 proof product.
Yeah, because that's what rednecks really needed in their bourbon, more bourbon. You don't have to be Yoda to foresee an increase of DWI's, belt-beatings and brother-sister-cousin fucking in Kentucky's near future.
Friday, March 30, 2012
Friday, March 9, 2012
Traditionally the trifecta of quantifying a woman's hotness, in no particular order, were, tits, ass and face. Now, I'm not complaining about the original holy trinity, it has served us all well for generations and personally I am a big big big big big fan of them. But I've always felt like something was missing from the equation, that it wasn't taking something meaningful into consideration but could never but my finger on what was missing.
Well Eureka I've found it! Ladies and gentlemen, boy and girls, let me introduce to you the newest parameter in ranking a woman's hotness, "The Fuck Zone". The Fuck Zone is defined as the area on a woman's body starting at around the naval and ending approximately half way between her crotch and knee. And it is fantastic. This is definitely a region of the body that our eyes are automatically drawn to and we all check out but never had a way to easily identify to our buddies. Until now.
Below are pictures of Sara Underwood from Attack of the Show. Not only is she a perfect example of an excellent fuck zone but she also was the inspiration for this revelation. As i was watching her on G4 tonight i realized i couldn't stop staring at that sweet, supple fuck zone area as i imagined spreading 1000's of my dead babies all over it.
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Phil Hughes Story - "Last Year Was A Failure"
http://espn.go.com/new-york/mlb/story/_/id/7652149/new-york-yankees-phil-hughes-says-last-year-was-failure
Here is a list of people i can not stand in this world. 1., The homeless who are only homeless because they’re drug addicts and want your sympathy/money. Fuck you, I wish I could wake up every day with my only worries being where am I gonna sleep next and how am I going to get $10 so I can score some meth.
2.,Alcoholics who say they have a “disease”. Bullshit. If enjoying getting shitfaced by noon is a “disease” then I got it too. But i also got something known as self-control and only choose to do so when appropriate.
3., Meter-maids There’s a difference between “just doing your job” and doing your job with a raging hard-on. Kill yourself right now.
4., Politicians. Slimy grease-balls who make a living fucking you and I over while trying to convince us that they’re doing so in our own best interest.
And finally 5., Professional athletes who can’t stay in shape. I have absolutely zero tolerance for you. You get paid millions of dollars to play a kid’s game and you can’t even stay physically fit enough to do so? People will gladly fork over hundreds of dollars that they really can’t afford to just for the chance to watch you play live and you can’t even give them the goddamn decency of showing up in shape?
I am/was a big Phil Hughes fan. I liked his calm demeanor on the mound and the way the ball just exploded out of his hand. Plus there’s nothing I like better out of my favorite professional sports teams, especially the Yankees, then nice home grown talent to cheer for (as opposed to hired scrubs like AJ Burnett, Randy Johnson, Kevin Brown etc).
I was glad he wasn’t traded for Johan Santana or Roy Halladay or anything like that but something like this does make me wonder. If he’s having problems like these in his mid 20′s, what’s it gonna be like when he’s 30, 32 years old and even less motivated to put his work in during the off-season?
I hope Phil Hughes realizes that he fucked up, this is unacceptable and returns to form this year. That last year was just a momentary lapse for an incredibly talented kid who maybe never stopped celebrating winning his first World Series at such a young age because I really like the way this rotation looks with him in the 5 spot and have no faith that Freddy Garcia can come anywhere near approximating what he did last year.
One final note. The other day somebody asked me if I think the Yankees regret getting rid of Ian Kennedy and not Phil and my answer was absolutely not. I’m glad he’s doing well out in Arizona but Arizona ain’t New York and Kennedy does not have the make up to be successful in New York and he would have never succeeded here.
Here is a list of people i can not stand in this world. 1., The homeless who are only homeless because they’re drug addicts and want your sympathy/money. Fuck you, I wish I could wake up every day with my only worries being where am I gonna sleep next and how am I going to get $10 so I can score some meth.
2.,Alcoholics who say they have a “disease”. Bullshit. If enjoying getting shitfaced by noon is a “disease” then I got it too. But i also got something known as self-control and only choose to do so when appropriate.
3., Meter-maids There’s a difference between “just doing your job” and doing your job with a raging hard-on. Kill yourself right now.
4., Politicians. Slimy grease-balls who make a living fucking you and I over while trying to convince us that they’re doing so in our own best interest.
And finally 5., Professional athletes who can’t stay in shape. I have absolutely zero tolerance for you. You get paid millions of dollars to play a kid’s game and you can’t even stay physically fit enough to do so? People will gladly fork over hundreds of dollars that they really can’t afford to just for the chance to watch you play live and you can’t even give them the goddamn decency of showing up in shape?
I am/was a big Phil Hughes fan. I liked his calm demeanor on the mound and the way the ball just exploded out of his hand. Plus there’s nothing I like better out of my favorite professional sports teams, especially the Yankees, then nice home grown talent to cheer for (as opposed to hired scrubs like AJ Burnett, Randy Johnson, Kevin Brown etc).
I was glad he wasn’t traded for Johan Santana or Roy Halladay or anything like that but something like this does make me wonder. If he’s having problems like these in his mid 20′s, what’s it gonna be like when he’s 30, 32 years old and even less motivated to put his work in during the off-season?
I hope Phil Hughes realizes that he fucked up, this is unacceptable and returns to form this year. That last year was just a momentary lapse for an incredibly talented kid who maybe never stopped celebrating winning his first World Series at such a young age because I really like the way this rotation looks with him in the 5 spot and have no faith that Freddy Garcia can come anywhere near approximating what he did last year.
One final note. The other day somebody asked me if I think the Yankees regret getting rid of Ian Kennedy and not Phil and my answer was absolutely not. I’m glad he’s doing well out in Arizona but Arizona ain’t New York and Kennedy does not have the make up to be successful in New York and he would have never succeeded here.
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Alabama man in post-BCS video bonds out of jail
I told ya it was tough to call who the biggest loser was in that video. What kinda 32 yr old man goes around teabagging drunken college dudes? Now it seems a bit gayer to me. http://rivals.yahoo.com/ncaa/football/news?slug=ap-bcs-viralvideo
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Video from Deadspin
http://deadspin.com/5876249/an-alabama-fan-teabagged-a-passed+out-and-now-supposedly-dead-lsu-fan-at-the-bourbon-street-krystal
The title is spot on. I get why the dude tea bagged him. I get why he pretended to fornicate his face and back fat and all that. I don't find any of that to be weird or anything. But what i don't get is why (around the 1:08 mark) he sticks his finger up the dudes nose? Whats that accomplishing other then revealing some weird deep rooted long repressed homosexual fetish? That's very strange to me. Also watch the end very closely. The teabagger puts his nuts away and then grabs his nachos from the ledge which, it appears, he's sharing with one of his buddies. Keep in mind just seconds earlier he was rubbing his palm all over his bare nutsac and just before that his finger was literally shoved up some drunk dude's nose. Everyone winds up a loser in here but I'm not sure who loses the most.
The title is spot on. I get why the dude tea bagged him. I get why he pretended to fornicate his face and back fat and all that. I don't find any of that to be weird or anything. But what i don't get is why (around the 1:08 mark) he sticks his finger up the dudes nose? Whats that accomplishing other then revealing some weird deep rooted long repressed homosexual fetish? That's very strange to me. Also watch the end very closely. The teabagger puts his nuts away and then grabs his nachos from the ledge which, it appears, he's sharing with one of his buddies. Keep in mind just seconds earlier he was rubbing his palm all over his bare nutsac and just before that his finger was literally shoved up some drunk dude's nose. Everyone winds up a loser in here but I'm not sure who loses the most.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Miami Dolphins Rant
Well the Dolphins have firmly established themselves as leaders in the Andrew Luck sweepstakes by turning in another choke job this week. Here i will address all of the players on the Miami roster who are responsible for their position as thee worst team in the NFL.
Yeremiah Bell: Unfortunately your best days are behind you and your position as a run stopping specialist from the safety position is becoming obselete in todays NFL of spread offenses and tight ends who run 4.4 40's. Good career hampered by injuries, but you are no longer to be considered an "impact" player and are a liability in the passing game more often then not.
Reshad Jones: Can anybody name me one reason why this guy belongs as a starter in the NFL? Me neither.
Sean Smith: Either this guy is perpetually 2 days away from "that time of month" or else he's got a massive booze problem. No? Then please explain to me why else he cramps up so much?
Vontae Davis: His mouth is much bigger then his game. Every now and then shows flashes of talent that make you think he's going to take his game to the next level and then he does jack shit for the next 30-60 minutes.
Karlos Dansby: Can anyone remember one play he's made all year?
Kevin Burnett: Just another highly touted scrub we brought in that was supposed to be some big diamond in the rough find but is just a polished up turd.
Jason Taylor: After 15 years in the NFL he is not the player he use to be, and there's no shame in that. He does not have the impact on the game that he once had but it's not for lack of heart. I hope he retires tomorrow, there is no reason for him to be part of the "suck for Luck" sweepstakes, a class act and true warrior and pro to the very end.
Cameron Wake: First, I'm not sure if we're using him correctly. Why, on a critical 3rd and 10 late in the game is he covering Santonio Holmes ( who inevitably burns him for a TD) and not rushing the passer? I noticed the same thing against the Chargers, our best pass rusher is dropping back in coverage on critical passing downs, it makes no sense. That being said, Wake is not the player he was last year or the year before. In year four or five or whatever of the Cameron Wake project he has actually regressed. His game, when he's at his best and virtually unstoppable off the edge, is about speed and leverage, tonight it looked like he was playing patty-cake with the mediocre Jets tackle Wayne Hunter all night, who in turn had no problem handling the attempted bull rushes of a player at least 50lbs lighter then he was.
Paul Solia: Outstanding on some plays, pushed around and less then mediocre on others, basically the story of his career.
Koa Misi: Our "run stopping" OLB who is terrible against the run.
Randy Starks: A fish out of water, we have no idea what to do with him and it seems like he's just cashing checks now.
Kendell Langford: An ok player who seems to retain a starting job by not screwing up about as much as he doesn't make plays.
Jared Odrick: I have nothing at all to say about him and thats not necessarily a good thing. I cant remember him being a part of this team at all.
Brian Hartline: What is it exactly you do on this team?
Devon Bess: If this stat was tracked i bet he would lead the NFL in 3rd down receptions that DID NOT result in a 1st down.
Brandon Marshall: YOU SUCK, CATCH THE FUCKING BALL. Can anyone explain why he just ran out of bounds tonight?
Reggie Bush: 1st quarter wonder. Is it that you have no stamina or the 'Fins have no idea how to properly use you? I still don't know. Why don't you return punts full time, whose call is that? Why don't they let you do what it is you do best in the NFL is a mystery to me.
Daniel Thomas: Good motor, you run hard but its only 5 games into your NFL career and you've already missed 40% of them, thats not encouraging. Plus ball security seems to be an issue.
Anthony Fasano: Well, your sample size this year seems to be positive. It appears the case of the "dropsies" that haunted you last season are gone. Unfortunately the front office isn't doing you any favors. I truely believe that if the 'Fins did what the should have done and acquired an elite pass catching TE like Zach Miller, Greg Olsen or Jeremy Shockey like they should have this past offseason and/or drafted Rob Gronkowski, Aaron Hernandez or Jimmy Graham last year , then you're combination of run blocking and pass catching skills would make you the best TE2 in the NFL. But because they didnt do any of that you are just mediocre at best and i am sorry about that.
Lex Hilliard: I have nothing negative to say about you. Every time i see you on the field it looks like you are playing hard, giving it your all and doing everything you can to stay on an NFL roster, I wish the rest of the Miami team played with half the passion you do.
Jake Long/Richie Incognito/Maukrice Pouncey/Vernon Carey/Marc Columbo aka the entire offensive line: Every one of your strengths is supposed to be run blocking yet Miami sucks at running the ball. 'Nuff said.
Matt Moore: You play like a backup quarterback and thats what you are.
Tony Sparano: You still look completely lost and overwhelmed as an NFL head coach and would have been fired already if not for the lockout. If he isn't the worst coach in the NFL then who is?
Yeremiah Bell: Unfortunately your best days are behind you and your position as a run stopping specialist from the safety position is becoming obselete in todays NFL of spread offenses and tight ends who run 4.4 40's. Good career hampered by injuries, but you are no longer to be considered an "impact" player and are a liability in the passing game more often then not.
Reshad Jones: Can anybody name me one reason why this guy belongs as a starter in the NFL? Me neither.
Sean Smith: Either this guy is perpetually 2 days away from "that time of month" or else he's got a massive booze problem. No? Then please explain to me why else he cramps up so much?
Vontae Davis: His mouth is much bigger then his game. Every now and then shows flashes of talent that make you think he's going to take his game to the next level and then he does jack shit for the next 30-60 minutes.
Karlos Dansby: Can anyone remember one play he's made all year?
Kevin Burnett: Just another highly touted scrub we brought in that was supposed to be some big diamond in the rough find but is just a polished up turd.
Jason Taylor: After 15 years in the NFL he is not the player he use to be, and there's no shame in that. He does not have the impact on the game that he once had but it's not for lack of heart. I hope he retires tomorrow, there is no reason for him to be part of the "suck for Luck" sweepstakes, a class act and true warrior and pro to the very end.
Cameron Wake: First, I'm not sure if we're using him correctly. Why, on a critical 3rd and 10 late in the game is he covering Santonio Holmes ( who inevitably burns him for a TD) and not rushing the passer? I noticed the same thing against the Chargers, our best pass rusher is dropping back in coverage on critical passing downs, it makes no sense. That being said, Wake is not the player he was last year or the year before. In year four or five or whatever of the Cameron Wake project he has actually regressed. His game, when he's at his best and virtually unstoppable off the edge, is about speed and leverage, tonight it looked like he was playing patty-cake with the mediocre Jets tackle Wayne Hunter all night, who in turn had no problem handling the attempted bull rushes of a player at least 50lbs lighter then he was.
Paul Solia: Outstanding on some plays, pushed around and less then mediocre on others, basically the story of his career.
Koa Misi: Our "run stopping" OLB who is terrible against the run.
Randy Starks: A fish out of water, we have no idea what to do with him and it seems like he's just cashing checks now.
Kendell Langford: An ok player who seems to retain a starting job by not screwing up about as much as he doesn't make plays.
Jared Odrick: I have nothing at all to say about him and thats not necessarily a good thing. I cant remember him being a part of this team at all.
Brian Hartline: What is it exactly you do on this team?
Devon Bess: If this stat was tracked i bet he would lead the NFL in 3rd down receptions that DID NOT result in a 1st down.
Brandon Marshall: YOU SUCK, CATCH THE FUCKING BALL. Can anyone explain why he just ran out of bounds tonight?
Reggie Bush: 1st quarter wonder. Is it that you have no stamina or the 'Fins have no idea how to properly use you? I still don't know. Why don't you return punts full time, whose call is that? Why don't they let you do what it is you do best in the NFL is a mystery to me.
Daniel Thomas: Good motor, you run hard but its only 5 games into your NFL career and you've already missed 40% of them, thats not encouraging. Plus ball security seems to be an issue.
Anthony Fasano: Well, your sample size this year seems to be positive. It appears the case of the "dropsies" that haunted you last season are gone. Unfortunately the front office isn't doing you any favors. I truely believe that if the 'Fins did what the should have done and acquired an elite pass catching TE like Zach Miller, Greg Olsen or Jeremy Shockey like they should have this past offseason and/or drafted Rob Gronkowski, Aaron Hernandez or Jimmy Graham last year , then you're combination of run blocking and pass catching skills would make you the best TE2 in the NFL. But because they didnt do any of that you are just mediocre at best and i am sorry about that.
Lex Hilliard: I have nothing negative to say about you. Every time i see you on the field it looks like you are playing hard, giving it your all and doing everything you can to stay on an NFL roster, I wish the rest of the Miami team played with half the passion you do.
Jake Long/Richie Incognito/Maukrice Pouncey/Vernon Carey/Marc Columbo aka the entire offensive line: Every one of your strengths is supposed to be run blocking yet Miami sucks at running the ball. 'Nuff said.
Matt Moore: You play like a backup quarterback and thats what you are.
Tony Sparano: You still look completely lost and overwhelmed as an NFL head coach and would have been fired already if not for the lockout. If he isn't the worst coach in the NFL then who is?
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
The Sick Twisted Crazy Fuck of the Week
I just wanted to rant about that sick evil fucking twisted fuck out in Norway. I hope when you're found guilty of being an absolute piece of scum so lowly and inhuman that we are no longer bound by laws of basic human decency that which you have already eschewed yourself and your sentence consists solely of manual labor, torture and butt-rape right up until you're put to death by alligator you miserable piece of shit. I hope the families and friends of your victims are all given a chance to urinate or defecate upon whatever of your remains are left and it's all broadcast live on per per view. I'll beleive in whatever religion you want me to if that guarantees me this piece of human excrement is tortured for eternity in the depths of some pit of hell.
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