70-year-old virgin seeks wealthy mate

http://blogs.ajc.com/news-to-me/2012/05/11/70-year-old-virgin-seeks-wealthy-mate/?cxntlid=thbz_hm

To me this is the same scenario as the dude who refused to sell his issue of Superman #75 (the one where he dies) outside of Charlie's Comix for $100 after he just paid only $10 for it because he thought "its gunna be worth a lot of money some day".  Then 20 years later he's forced to sell it for $9 and handjob. And he's the one that got a handful of cock. Sorry “Sexational Pam” but not everthing appreciates with age,  you gotta learn the art of "selling high." 

I wouldn't touch your crusty old vergina even if i were compensated handsomely to do so.  Your fuck-hole is probably riddled with ancient STD's like "bubonic taint" or "twatrotis" that haven't even been checked for in a century.  And not only are you old and gross but i also contend that you are a lying gold digging motherfucking whore.  Do you really expect me to believe that you had a shot at fucking Englebert Humperdinck and you actually turned it down?  Bullshit.  Good luck trying to snowball some dude into your dried up old cooch and I hope you die before I ever have to hear your name again.  Really, what whore passes up Englebert Humperdinck's dick?  LIAR!

Weird thoughts...

Where do they come from?  The other night i told a friend a mine about how i recently got a telemarketer to hang up on me after i told her that she interrupted me from training my pet spider monkey how to not try and peel my uncircumcised penis like a banana.  His response was, "Oh my god, what the fuck is wrong with you? How do these thoughts enter your mind?"

And i thought about that for a minute, and i really don't know.  It just came to me, i didn't really have to think about it.  It was just another weird thought I had. Where do weird thoughts in general come from, funny or otherwise? That's what i wanna know.

I remember this one time i was outside hanging out by myself reading, and no one was really around,  then all of a sudden, out of nowhere, i suddenly had the thought that i should jerkoff.  And i immediately knew that was weird, but where it came from or why, I have no idea.  And of course i didn't jerkoff, I'm not an animal, I don't have to act on every thought I have, but that doesn't mean I didn't have it. 

If I knew where weird thoughts came from and how to control them then I'd probably rule the world by now.  But since I don't, I'm just another weird white guy that frightens Asian women.

Jim Beam Devil's Cut = Worst Thing to Happen to Rednecks Since Crystal Meth

Has anyone seen the commercials for this new bourbon called "Devil's Cut"? Apparently the folks over at Jim Beam found a way to extract the bourbon that was trapped within the wood of the barrel resulting in a new 90 proof product. 

Yeah, because that's what rednecks really needed in their bourbon, more bourbon.  You don't have to be Yoda to foresee an increase of DWI's, belt-beatings and brother-sister-cousin fucking in Kentucky's near future.

Phil Hughes Story - "Last Year Was A Failure"

http://espn.go.com/new-york/mlb/story/_/id/7652149/new-york-yankees-phil-hughes-says-last-year-was-failure


Here is a list of people i can not stand in this world. 1., The homeless who are only homeless because they’re drug addicts and want your sympathy/money. Fuck you, I wish I could wake up every day with my only worries being where am I gonna sleep next and how am I going to get $10 so I can score some meth.

2.,Alcoholics who say they have a “disease”. Bullshit. If enjoying getting shitfaced by noon is a “disease” then I got it too. But i also got something known as self-control and only choose to do so when appropriate.

3., Meter-maids There’s a difference between “just doing your job” and doing your job with a raging hard-on. Kill yourself right now.

4., Politicians. Slimy grease-balls who make a living fucking you and I over while trying to convince us that they’re doing so in our own best interest.

And finally 5., Professional athletes who can’t stay in shape. I have absolutely zero tolerance for you. You get paid millions of dollars to play a kid’s game and you can’t even stay physically fit enough to do so? People will gladly fork over hundreds of dollars that they really can’t afford to just for the chance to watch you play live and you can’t even give them the goddamn decency of showing up in shape?

I am/was a big Phil Hughes fan. I liked his calm demeanor on the mound and the way the ball just exploded out of his hand. Plus there’s nothing I like better out of my favorite professional sports teams, especially the Yankees, then nice home grown talent to cheer for (as opposed to hired scrubs like AJ Burnett, Randy Johnson, Kevin Brown etc).

I was glad he wasn’t traded for Johan Santana or Roy Halladay or anything like that but something like this does make me wonder. If he’s having problems like these in his mid 20′s, what’s it gonna be like when he’s 30, 32 years old and even less motivated to put his work in during the off-season?

I hope Phil Hughes realizes that he fucked up, this is unacceptable and returns to form this year. That last year was just a momentary lapse for an incredibly talented kid who maybe never stopped celebrating winning his first World Series at such a young age because I really like the way this rotation looks with him in the 5 spot and have no faith that Freddy Garcia can come anywhere near approximating what he did last year.

One final note. The other day somebody asked me if I think the Yankees regret getting rid of Ian Kennedy and not Phil and my answer was absolutely not. I’m glad he’s doing well out in Arizona but Arizona ain’t New York and Kennedy does not have the make up to be successful in New York and he would have never succeeded here.