When Did Arizona Become the Redneck Capital of the World?

I'm sorry, did i miss a memo or something?  When did Arizona become the redneck capital of the world?  Who woulda thought that Arizona of all places would be this country's leading producer of dumb-stupid-moronic-ignorant rednecks who scarcely deserve the air they breathe? Because if i had to guess, i woulda said that it woulda been Arkansas or somewhere like that.  But no, I'm wrong, its definitely Arizona.  By far it has become the preeminent breeding ground for the stupidest bunch of motherfuckers this country has to offer.  Did Arizona legalize brother-sister fucking and it somehow went under the wire?  Think I'm wrong?  I beg to differ, read below.

http://abcnews.go.com/US/arizona-neo-nazi-sheriff-candidate-killed-family/story?id=16269803

http://sports.yahoo.com/blogs/highschool-prep-rally/lady-sorrows-ariz-baseball-team-forfeits-state-title-041333504.html


http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/sns-rt-us-usa-immigration-arizonabre8491k5-20120510,0,1652084.story

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/01/08/gabrielle-giffords-shot-c_n_806211.html

70-year-old virgin seeks wealthy mate

http://blogs.ajc.com/news-to-me/2012/05/11/70-year-old-virgin-seeks-wealthy-mate/?cxntlid=thbz_hm

To me this is the same scenario as the dude who refused to sell his issue of Superman #75 (the one where he dies) outside of Charlie's Comix for $100 after he just paid only $10 for it because he thought "its gunna be worth a lot of money some day".  Then 20 years later he's forced to sell it for $9 and handjob. And he's the one that got a handful of cock. Sorry “Sexational Pam” but not everthing appreciates with age,  you gotta learn the art of "selling high." 

I wouldn't touch your crusty old vergina even if i were compensated handsomely to do so.  Your fuck-hole is probably riddled with ancient STD's like "bubonic taint" or "twatrotis" that haven't even been checked for in a century.  And not only are you old and gross but i also contend that you are a lying gold digging motherfucking whore.  Do you really expect me to believe that you had a shot at fucking Englebert Humperdinck and you actually turned it down?  Bullshit.  Good luck trying to snowball some dude into your dried up old cooch and I hope you die before I ever have to hear your name again.  Really, what whore passes up Englebert Humperdinck's dick?  LIAR!

Jim Beam Devil's Cut = Worst Thing to Happen to Rednecks Since Crystal Meth

Has anyone seen the commercials for this new bourbon called "Devil's Cut"? Apparently the folks over at Jim Beam found a way to extract the bourbon that was trapped within the wood of the barrel resulting in a new 90 proof product. 

Yeah, because that's what rednecks really needed in their bourbon, more bourbon.  You don't have to be Yoda to foresee an increase of DWI's, belt-beatings and brother-sister-cousin fucking in Kentucky's near future.

Traditionally the trifecta of quantifying a woman's hotness, in no particular order, were, tits, ass and face.  Now, I'm not complaining about the original holy trinity, it has served us all well for generations and personally I am a big big big big big fan of them. But I've always felt like something was missing from the equation, that it wasn't taking something meaningful into consideration but could never but my finger on what was missing.

Well Eureka I've found it! Ladies and gentlemen, boy and girls, let me introduce to you the newest parameter in ranking a woman's hotness, "The Fuck Zone".  The Fuck Zone is defined as the area on a woman's body starting at around the naval and ending approximately half way between her crotch and knee. And it is fantastic. This is definitely a region of the body that our eyes are automatically drawn to and we all check out but never had a way to easily identify to our buddies. Until now. 

Below are pictures of Sara Underwood from Attack of the Show.  Not only is she a perfect example of an excellent fuck zone but she also was the inspiration for this revelation. As i was watching her on G4 tonight i realized i couldn't stop staring at that sweet, supple fuck zone area as i imagined spreading 1000's of my dead babies all over it.

Phil Hughes Story - "Last Year Was A Failure"

http://espn.go.com/new-york/mlb/story/_/id/7652149/new-york-yankees-phil-hughes-says-last-year-was-failure


Here is a list of people i can not stand in this world. 1., The homeless who are only homeless because they’re drug addicts and want your sympathy/money. Fuck you, I wish I could wake up every day with my only worries being where am I gonna sleep next and how am I going to get $10 so I can score some meth.

2.,Alcoholics who say they have a “disease”. Bullshit. If enjoying getting shitfaced by noon is a “disease” then I got it too. But i also got something known as self-control and only choose to do so when appropriate.

3., Meter-maids There’s a difference between “just doing your job” and doing your job with a raging hard-on. Kill yourself right now.

4., Politicians. Slimy grease-balls who make a living fucking you and I over while trying to convince us that they’re doing so in our own best interest.

And finally 5., Professional athletes who can’t stay in shape. I have absolutely zero tolerance for you. You get paid millions of dollars to play a kid’s game and you can’t even stay physically fit enough to do so? People will gladly fork over hundreds of dollars that they really can’t afford to just for the chance to watch you play live and you can’t even give them the goddamn decency of showing up in shape?

I am/was a big Phil Hughes fan. I liked his calm demeanor on the mound and the way the ball just exploded out of his hand. Plus there’s nothing I like better out of my favorite professional sports teams, especially the Yankees, then nice home grown talent to cheer for (as opposed to hired scrubs like AJ Burnett, Randy Johnson, Kevin Brown etc).

I was glad he wasn’t traded for Johan Santana or Roy Halladay or anything like that but something like this does make me wonder. If he’s having problems like these in his mid 20′s, what’s it gonna be like when he’s 30, 32 years old and even less motivated to put his work in during the off-season?

I hope Phil Hughes realizes that he fucked up, this is unacceptable and returns to form this year. That last year was just a momentary lapse for an incredibly talented kid who maybe never stopped celebrating winning his first World Series at such a young age because I really like the way this rotation looks with him in the 5 spot and have no faith that Freddy Garcia can come anywhere near approximating what he did last year.

One final note. The other day somebody asked me if I think the Yankees regret getting rid of Ian Kennedy and not Phil and my answer was absolutely not. I’m glad he’s doing well out in Arizona but Arizona ain’t New York and Kennedy does not have the make up to be successful in New York and he would have never succeeded here.