Thoughts and Observations

Mall pet stores are a great place to meet 12 yr old girls. Fat guys on motorcycles should always wear at least a t-shirt, especially if they're just some pussy on a crotch rocket. How come the DVD's that are about butt-fucking are so much louder then the ones that aren't? Abby Wambach gives great head. Twizzlers may "Make mouth happy" but they also make asshole angry, especially when they're sold by the pound. If you're really gonna name your restaurant "Burger Heaven" then you better at least be open well past nine. I've got the "Irish Curse" which means I don't get drunk, I just get more awesome. If you're over the age of 30 and your only means of transportation is a razor scooter or a BMX bicycle then you should kill yourself. Top 3 spam email subjects: 3, Drunken chicks stumble into the barn and get fucked. 2, Fat animal cum slut. (is it a regular chick fucking fat animals or vice versa? I don't know) 1, Watch the JV cheerleading squad take on the varsity football team. The funniest thing I've ever heard one woman yell at another in a fit of rage was, verbatim, "I will suck his dick all the time AND HE WILL LOVE IT!!!" How come Catholic schools seem to have rules about anything and everything except about not raping the kids? (Seriously, i went to catholic school and we weren't even allowed to get a drink of water from the water fountain while we were walking past it, and making out and heavy petting will get you to hell but an 8 yr old giving a priest a full service naked rub down is okay?) I was watching a prison documentary on the Discovery Channel that showed a woman behind bars who makes greeting cards out of tampons. I'd really hate to be her Valentine. The 50's were awesome because there were no such thing as date-rape, only prudes and misunderstandings.

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