Friday, January 4, 2013

MEN EVERYWHERE UNITE

Sperm Donor Forced to Pay Child Support

This might be a rallying point for men everywhere, Kansas is totally screwing this dude over.  William Marotta is kind enough to take time out of his busy day of fixing race cars and trolling the weird personal services sections of Craigslist to help these nice lesbians make a baby, for free, and now the state is trying to screw him over to the tune of $6,000.  What the fuck man, is nothing sacred?  

This guy had a contract and a legal precedent covering his ass but the state is trying to use some bullshit loophole to railroad him.  The whole "it's okay to do this sometimes but not okay other times" argument can suck my dick.  Thats a technicality.  People who try to win on technicalities piss me off and that's what the state is trying to do here.

 It's like those stories you hear about some asshole high school girls track coach who, after his team loses, gets a girl on the other team disqualified for wearing earrings just so he can win. I can't stand that win at any cost attitude that these alpha-male wannabes develop.  I remember once I read a story about how the chief of police in some Georgia town once shut down a little girl's lemonade stand for operating without a permit.(I'm pretty sure I wrote a blog post about it.)  That is the same line of thinking that is going on in this situation.

There's nothing worse then an asshole with a rule because you know they're just dying to use it.  At its root this is a letter of the law versus the spirit of the law argument.  The state of Kansas is acting like a prick because they are going according to the letter of the law, not the spirit and thus dissuading potential American patriots like William Marotta from claiming their god given right to be a hero to a couple of nice lesbians who want to raise a child together.  Men everywhere will say "Can't do it, too risky" because $50 is nothing compared to child support.  $6,000 is ridiculous.  

BTW If you think within five minutes of this post I won't have an ad on Craigslist that reads "Will Father you're lesbian love child for $50.00.  OCCUPATION: Adventure Hunter" then you are very mistaken.  I, for one am not dissuaded at all by this.  Just the fact that this is even legal in the first place is all i needed to know.  At this stage of my career, I'll jerk into just about anything for 50 bucks.  A jar, a basin, whatever.  I'll jerk off right into a lesbians vagina if she thinks it'll help and she's got 50 bucks.  And if you think doing so would be a no-brainer, think again.  Watch the video, you see what they look like.  They are hideous.  Hey good for them, I don't care, I'm not judging, I'm just stating the obvious, them some ugly butch-dikes, not pretty lesbians.  Doing so would be a monumental task but I'd get it done. 

 25 years from now i can picture the support groups these sons and daughters of lesbian parents and a vacant craigslist.com donor will have called Sons of Craig etc.  

UPDATE: I have confirmed with my wife that yes, so long as i get paid no less than $50, I may jerk off into a lesbians vagina IF she insists it will help her conceive.

Saturday, May 12, 2012

When Did Arizona Become the Redneck Capital of the World?

I'm sorry, did i miss a memo or something?  When did Arizona become the redneck capital of the world?  Who woulda thought that Arizona of all places would be this country's leading producer of dumb-stupid-moronic-ignorant rednecks who scarcely deserve the air they breathe? Because if i had to guess, i woulda said that it woulda been Arkansas or somewhere like that.  But no, I'm wrong, its definitely Arizona.  By far it has become the preeminent breeding ground for the stupidest bunch of motherfuckers this country has to offer.  Did Arizona legalize brother-sister fucking and it somehow went under the wire?  Think I'm wrong?  I beg to differ, read below.

http://abcnews.go.com/US/arizona-neo-nazi-sheriff-candidate-killed-family/story?id=16269803

http://sports.yahoo.com/blogs/highschool-prep-rally/lady-sorrows-ariz-baseball-team-forfeits-state-title-041333504.html


http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/sns-rt-us-usa-immigration-arizonabre8491k5-20120510,0,1652084.story

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/01/08/gabrielle-giffords-shot-c_n_806211.html

70-year-old virgin seeks wealthy mate

http://blogs.ajc.com/news-to-me/2012/05/11/70-year-old-virgin-seeks-wealthy-mate/?cxntlid=thbz_hm

To me this is the same scenario as the dude who refused to sell his issue of Superman #75 (the one where he dies) outside of Charlie's Comix for $100 after he just paid only $10 for it because he thought "its gunna be worth a lot of money some day".  Then 20 years later he's forced to sell it for $9 and handjob. And he's the one that got a handful of cock. Sorry “Sexational Pam” but not everthing appreciates with age,  you gotta learn the art of "selling high." 

I wouldn't touch your crusty old vergina even if i were compensated handsomely to do so.  Your fuck-hole is probably riddled with ancient STD's like "bubonic taint" or "twatrotis" that haven't even been checked for in a century.  And not only are you old and gross but i also contend that you are a lying gold digging motherfucking whore.  Do you really expect me to believe that you had a shot at fucking Englebert Humperdinck and you actually turned it down?  Bullshit.  Good luck trying to snowball some dude into your dried up old cooch and I hope you die before I ever have to hear your name again.  Really, what whore passes up Englebert Humperdinck's dick?  LIAR!

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

"Hop-Ruiter"-De Scheldebrowerij

Name: Hop-Ruiter
Maker: De Scheldebrowerij
Loc: Meer, Belgium
Type: Belgian Ale, Blond Hoppy Beer
Color: Yellow, Cloudy
Size: 1pt 9.4fl oz
A/V: 8%
Label: 10/10 Very cool to both read and look at
Review: I would absolutely buy this beer again.  I can not think of a situation where I wouldn't want to drink Hop-Ruiter.  The label says its a "hoppy-wheat" beer and I'd say that is absolutely true.  It is a bit more wheat then hoppy, which to me is part of why its so good.  This is just a good motherfucking beer that i will purchase as often as possible.  I can picture both William Wallace and Batman being big fans of Hop-Ruiter.  This is what Samwise was drinking the night he proposed to Rosie and I am sure the Double-Deuce had it on tap.  As a general rule of thumb, if its Belgian then its probably pretty good.
10/10 Fucking Outstanding.

www.belgianexperts.com


Weird thoughts...

Where do they come from?  The other night i told a friend a mine about how i recently got a telemarketer to hang up on me after i told her that she interrupted me from training my pet spider monkey how to not try and peel my uncircumcised penis like a banana.  His response was, "Oh my god, what the fuck is wrong with you? How do these thoughts enter your mind?"

And i thought about that for a minute, and i really don't know.  It just came to me, i didn't really have to think about it.  It was just another weird thought I had. Where do weird thoughts in general come from, funny or otherwise? That's what i wanna know.

I remember this one time i was outside hanging out by myself reading, and no one was really around,  then all of a sudden, out of nowhere, i suddenly had the thought that i should jerkoff.  And i immediately knew that was weird, but where it came from or why, I have no idea.  And of course i didn't jerkoff, I'm not an animal, I don't have to act on every thought I have, but that doesn't mean I didn't have it. 

If I knew where weird thoughts came from and how to control them then I'd probably rule the world by now.  But since I don't, I'm just another weird white guy that frightens Asian women.

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

"Baltic Thunder"-Victory Brew Co

Name: Baltic Thunder
Maker: Victroy Brewing Co.
Loc: Downington, PA
Type: Porter (Baltic style)
Color: Black
Size: 1 PT 6FL OZ
Alc by Vol: 8.5%
Label: 7/10 Cool enough to make me notice it
Review: Brought a nice unique flavor to a style of beer (porter) that I am familiar with.  It was not just another porter but at the same time was not too far gone from being a porter that it was too weird/different/ecclectic for my taste (like the crem brulee flavored one that my wife bought me once that was so sickly sweet and awful i can only describe it as tasting like liquid easter candy). 

Baltic Thunder is a very solid beer that i can easily see myself being able to drink several of in a sitting and potentially in abundance.  Its a light-tasting, clean porter that does not linger like some heavier porters have a tendancy to do.  It is as refreshing as a porter can be.

To me this is the type of beer that would have been served in the better taverns of Middle Earth.  The cool ones at least.  I could easily see myself having a few pints of this either after a long day of kicking ass on the battlefield with my gigantic battle axe (or mace) or after a long day of peasant work out in the fields.  Either way its a mans beer and a damn good one.  8/10 Kick ass


Beer Basket



So I won a basket of beer in an auction at a cancer benefit.  And since the name of this blog is "1,000 Beers" I figured it would be a good idea to blog about each beer.  They are all micro-brews in the (mostly) 25oz and $10 a bottle range.  I don't have the most educated palat but I'll try (I don't even know how to fucking spell palat but you know what I mean). I will also try to not be a douche bag about it.  So here goes...