MEN EVERYWHERE UNITE

Sperm Donor Forced to Pay Child Support

This might be a rallying point for men everywhere, Kansas is totally screwing this dude over.  William Marotta is kind enough to take time out of his busy day of fixing race cars and trolling the weird personal services sections of Craigslist to help these nice lesbians make a baby, for free, and now the state is trying to screw him over to the tune of $6,000.  What the fuck man, is nothing sacred?  

This guy had a contract and a legal precedent covering his ass but the state is trying to use some bullshit loophole to railroad him.  The whole "it's okay to do this sometimes but not okay other times" argument can suck my dick.  Thats a technicality.  People who try to win on technicalities piss me off and that's what the state is trying to do here.

 It's like those stories you hear about some asshole high school girls track coach who, after his team loses, gets a girl on the other team disqualified for wearing earrings just so he can win. I can't stand that win at any cost attitude that these alpha-male wannabes develop.  I remember once I read a story about how the chief of police in some Georgia town once shut down a little girl's lemonade stand for operating without a permit.(I'm pretty sure I wrote a blog post about it.)  That is the same line of thinking that is going on in this situation.

There's nothing worse then an asshole with a rule because you know they're just dying to use it.  At its root this is a letter of the law versus the spirit of the law argument.  The state of Kansas is acting like a prick because they are going according to the letter of the law, not the spirit and thus dissuading potential American patriots like William Marotta from claiming their god given right to be a hero to a couple of nice lesbians who want to raise a child together.  Men everywhere will say "Can't do it, too risky" because $50 is nothing compared to child support.  $6,000 is ridiculous.  

BTW If you think within five minutes of this post I won't have an ad on Craigslist that reads "Will Father you're lesbian love child for $50.00.  OCCUPATION: Adventure Hunter" then you are very mistaken.  I, for one am not dissuaded at all by this.  Just the fact that this is even legal in the first place is all i needed to know.  At this stage of my career, I'll jerk into just about anything for 50 bucks.  A jar, a basin, whatever.  I'll jerk off right into a lesbians vagina if she thinks it'll help and she's got 50 bucks.  And if you think doing so would be a no-brainer, think again.  Watch the video, you see what they look like.  They are hideous.  Hey good for them, I don't care, I'm not judging, I'm just stating the obvious, them some ugly butch-dikes, not pretty lesbians.  Doing so would be a monumental task but I'd get it done. 

 25 years from now i can picture the support groups these sons and daughters of lesbian parents and a vacant craigslist.com donor will have called Sons of Craig etc.  

UPDATE: I have confirmed with my wife that yes, so long as i get paid no less than $50, I may jerk off into a lesbians vagina IF she insists it will help her conceive.

When Did Arizona Become the Redneck Capital of the World?

I'm sorry, did i miss a memo or something?  When did Arizona become the redneck capital of the world?  Who woulda thought that Arizona of all places would be this country's leading producer of dumb-stupid-moronic-ignorant rednecks who scarcely deserve the air they breathe? Because if i had to guess, i woulda said that it woulda been Arkansas or somewhere like that.  But no, I'm wrong, its definitely Arizona.  By far it has become the preeminent breeding ground for the stupidest bunch of motherfuckers this country has to offer.  Did Arizona legalize brother-sister fucking and it somehow went under the wire?  Think I'm wrong?  I beg to differ, read below.

http://abcnews.go.com/US/arizona-neo-nazi-sheriff-candidate-killed-family/story?id=16269803

http://sports.yahoo.com/blogs/highschool-prep-rally/lady-sorrows-ariz-baseball-team-forfeits-state-title-041333504.html


http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/sns-rt-us-usa-immigration-arizonabre8491k5-20120510,0,1652084.story

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/01/08/gabrielle-giffords-shot-c_n_806211.html

70-year-old virgin seeks wealthy mate

http://blogs.ajc.com/news-to-me/2012/05/11/70-year-old-virgin-seeks-wealthy-mate/?cxntlid=thbz_hm

To me this is the same scenario as the dude who refused to sell his issue of Superman #75 (the one where he dies) outside of Charlie's Comix for $100 after he just paid only $10 for it because he thought "its gunna be worth a lot of money some day".  Then 20 years later he's forced to sell it for $9 and handjob. And he's the one that got a handful of cock. Sorry “Sexational Pam” but not everthing appreciates with age,  you gotta learn the art of "selling high." 

I wouldn't touch your crusty old vergina even if i were compensated handsomely to do so.  Your fuck-hole is probably riddled with ancient STD's like "bubonic taint" or "twatrotis" that haven't even been checked for in a century.  And not only are you old and gross but i also contend that you are a lying gold digging motherfucking whore.  Do you really expect me to believe that you had a shot at fucking Englebert Humperdinck and you actually turned it down?  Bullshit.  Good luck trying to snowball some dude into your dried up old cooch and I hope you die before I ever have to hear your name again.  Really, what whore passes up Englebert Humperdinck's dick?  LIAR!

"Hop-Ruiter"-De Scheldebrowerij

Name: Hop-Ruiter
Maker: De Scheldebrowerij
Loc: Meer, Belgium
Type: Belgian Ale, Blond Hoppy Beer
Color: Yellow, Cloudy
Size: 1pt 9.4fl oz
A/V: 8%
Label: 10/10 Very cool to both read and look at
Review: I would absolutely buy this beer again.  I can not think of a situation where I wouldn't want to drink Hop-Ruiter.  The label says its a "hoppy-wheat" beer and I'd say that is absolutely true.  It is a bit more wheat then hoppy, which to me is part of why its so good.  This is just a good motherfucking beer that i will purchase as often as possible.  I can picture both William Wallace and Batman being big fans of Hop-Ruiter.  This is what Samwise was drinking the night he proposed to Rosie and I am sure the Double-Deuce had it on tap.  As a general rule of thumb, if its Belgian then its probably pretty good.
10/10 Fucking Outstanding.

www.belgianexperts.com

Weird thoughts...

Where do they come from?  The other night i told a friend a mine about how i recently got a telemarketer to hang up on me after i told her that she interrupted me from training my pet spider monkey how to not try and peel my uncircumcised penis like a banana.  His response was, "Oh my god, what the fuck is wrong with you? How do these thoughts enter your mind?"

And i thought about that for a minute, and i really don't know.  It just came to me, i didn't really have to think about it.  It was just another weird thought I had. Where do weird thoughts in general come from, funny or otherwise? That's what i wanna know.

I remember this one time i was outside hanging out by myself reading, and no one was really around,  then all of a sudden, out of nowhere, i suddenly had the thought that i should jerkoff.  And i immediately knew that was weird, but where it came from or why, I have no idea.  And of course i didn't jerkoff, I'm not an animal, I don't have to act on every thought I have, but that doesn't mean I didn't have it. 

If I knew where weird thoughts came from and how to control them then I'd probably rule the world by now.  But since I don't, I'm just another weird white guy that frightens Asian women.

"Baltic Thunder"-Victory Brew Co

Name: Baltic Thunder
Maker: Victroy Brewing Co.
Loc: Downington, PA
Type: Porter (Baltic style)
Color: Black
Size: 1 PT 6FL OZ
Alc by Vol: 8.5%
Label: 7/10 Cool enough to make me notice it
Review: Brought a nice unique flavor to a style of beer (porter) that I am familiar with.  It was not just another porter but at the same time was not too far gone from being a porter that it was too weird/different/ecclectic for my taste (like the crem brulee flavored one that my wife bought me once that was so sickly sweet and awful i can only describe it as tasting like liquid easter candy). 

Baltic Thunder is a very solid beer that i can easily see myself being able to drink several of in a sitting and potentially in abundance.  Its a light-tasting, clean porter that does not linger like some heavier porters have a tendancy to do.  It is as refreshing as a porter can be.

To me this is the type of beer that would have been served in the better taverns of Middle Earth.  The cool ones at least.  I could easily see myself having a few pints of this either after a long day of kicking ass on the battlefield with my gigantic battle axe (or mace) or after a long day of peasant work out in the fields.  Either way its a mans beer and a damn good one.  8/10 Kick ass

Beer Basket

So I won a basket of beer in an auction at a cancer benefit.  And since the name of this blog is "1,000 Beers" I figured it would be a good idea to blog about each beer.  They are all micro-brews in the (mostly) 25oz and $10 a bottle range.  I don't have the most educated palat but I'll try (I don't even know how to fucking spell palat but you know what I mean). I will also try to not be a douche bag about it.  So here goes...



Jim Beam Devil's Cut = Worst Thing to Happen to Rednecks Since Crystal Meth

Has anyone seen the commercials for this new bourbon called "Devil's Cut"? Apparently the folks over at Jim Beam found a way to extract the bourbon that was trapped within the wood of the barrel resulting in a new 90 proof product. 

Yeah, because that's what rednecks really needed in their bourbon, more bourbon.  You don't have to be Yoda to foresee an increase of DWI's, belt-beatings and brother-sister-cousin fucking in Kentucky's near future.

Traditionally the trifecta of quantifying a woman's hotness, in no particular order, were, tits, ass and face.  Now, I'm not complaining about the original holy trinity, it has served us all well for generations and personally I am a big big big big big fan of them. But I've always felt like something was missing from the equation, that it wasn't taking something meaningful into consideration but could never but my finger on what was missing.

Well Eureka I've found it! Ladies and gentlemen, boy and girls, let me introduce to you the newest parameter in ranking a woman's hotness, "The Fuck Zone".  The Fuck Zone is defined as the area on a woman's body starting at around the naval and ending approximately half way between her crotch and knee. And it is fantastic. This is definitely a region of the body that our eyes are automatically drawn to and we all check out but never had a way to easily identify to our buddies. Until now. 

Below are pictures of Sara Underwood from Attack of the Show.  Not only is she a perfect example of an excellent fuck zone but she also was the inspiration for this revelation. As i was watching her on G4 tonight i realized i couldn't stop staring at that sweet, supple fuck zone area as i imagined spreading 1000's of my dead babies all over it.

Phil Hughes Story - "Last Year Was A Failure"

http://espn.go.com/new-york/mlb/story/_/id/7652149/new-york-yankees-phil-hughes-says-last-year-was-failure


Here is a list of people i can not stand in this world. 1., The homeless who are only homeless because they’re drug addicts and want your sympathy/money. Fuck you, I wish I could wake up every day with my only worries being where am I gonna sleep next and how am I going to get $10 so I can score some meth.

2.,Alcoholics who say they have a “disease”. Bullshit. If enjoying getting shitfaced by noon is a “disease” then I got it too. But i also got something known as self-control and only choose to do so when appropriate.

3., Meter-maids There’s a difference between “just doing your job” and doing your job with a raging hard-on. Kill yourself right now.

4., Politicians. Slimy grease-balls who make a living fucking you and I over while trying to convince us that they’re doing so in our own best interest.

And finally 5., Professional athletes who can’t stay in shape. I have absolutely zero tolerance for you. You get paid millions of dollars to play a kid’s game and you can’t even stay physically fit enough to do so? People will gladly fork over hundreds of dollars that they really can’t afford to just for the chance to watch you play live and you can’t even give them the goddamn decency of showing up in shape?

I am/was a big Phil Hughes fan. I liked his calm demeanor on the mound and the way the ball just exploded out of his hand. Plus there’s nothing I like better out of my favorite professional sports teams, especially the Yankees, then nice home grown talent to cheer for (as opposed to hired scrubs like AJ Burnett, Randy Johnson, Kevin Brown etc).

I was glad he wasn’t traded for Johan Santana or Roy Halladay or anything like that but something like this does make me wonder. If he’s having problems like these in his mid 20′s, what’s it gonna be like when he’s 30, 32 years old and even less motivated to put his work in during the off-season?

I hope Phil Hughes realizes that he fucked up, this is unacceptable and returns to form this year. That last year was just a momentary lapse for an incredibly talented kid who maybe never stopped celebrating winning his first World Series at such a young age because I really like the way this rotation looks with him in the 5 spot and have no faith that Freddy Garcia can come anywhere near approximating what he did last year.

One final note. The other day somebody asked me if I think the Yankees regret getting rid of Ian Kennedy and not Phil and my answer was absolutely not. I’m glad he’s doing well out in Arizona but Arizona ain’t New York and Kennedy does not have the make up to be successful in New York and he would have never succeeded here.

Alabama man in post-BCS video bonds out of jail

I told ya it was tough to call who the biggest loser was in that video. What kinda 32 yr old man goes around teabagging drunken college dudes?  Now it seems a bit gayer to me. http://rivals.yahoo.com/ncaa/football/news?slug=ap-bcs-viralvideo

Video from Deadspin

http://deadspin.com/5876249/an-alabama-fan-teabagged-a-passed+out-and-now-supposedly-dead-lsu-fan-at-the-bourbon-street-krystal

The title is spot on. I get why the dude tea bagged him. I get why he pretended to fornicate his face and back fat and all that. I don't find any of that to be weird or anything. But what i don't get is why (around the 1:08 mark) he sticks his finger up the dudes nose? Whats that accomplishing other then revealing some weird deep rooted long repressed homosexual fetish? That's very strange to me. Also watch the end very closely. The teabagger puts his nuts away and then grabs his nachos from the ledge which, it appears, he's sharing with one of his buddies. Keep in mind just seconds earlier he was rubbing his palm all over his bare nutsac and just before that his finger was literally shoved up some drunk dude's nose. Everyone winds up a loser in here but I'm not sure who loses the most.

Miami Dolphins Rant

Well the Dolphins have firmly established themselves as leaders in the Andrew Luck sweepstakes by turning in another choke job this week. Here i will address all of the players on the Miami roster who are responsible for their position as thee worst team in the NFL.

Yeremiah Bell: Unfortunately your best days are behind you and your position as a run stopping specialist from the safety position is becoming obselete in todays NFL of spread offenses and tight ends who run 4.4 40's. Good career hampered by injuries, but you are no longer to be considered an "impact" player and are a liability in the passing game more often then not.

Reshad Jones: Can anybody name me one reason why this guy belongs as a starter in the NFL? Me neither.

Sean Smith: Either this guy is perpetually 2 days away from "that time of month" or else he's got a massive booze problem. No? Then please explain to me why else he cramps up so much?

Vontae Davis: His mouth is much bigger then his game. Every now and then shows flashes of talent that make you think he's going to take his game to the next level and then he does jack shit for the next 30-60 minutes.

Karlos Dansby: Can anyone remember one play he's made all year?

Kevin Burnett: Just another highly touted scrub we brought in that was supposed to be some big diamond in the rough find but is just a polished up turd.

Jason Taylor: After 15 years in the NFL he is not the player he use to be, and there's no shame in that. He does not have the impact on the game that he once had but it's not for lack of heart. I hope he retires tomorrow, there is no reason for him to be part of the "suck for Luck" sweepstakes, a class act and true warrior and pro to the very end.

Cameron Wake: First, I'm not sure if we're using him correctly. Why, on a critical 3rd and 10 late in the game is he covering Santonio Holmes ( who inevitably burns him for a TD) and not rushing the passer? I noticed the same thing against the Chargers, our best pass rusher is dropping back in coverage on critical passing downs, it makes no sense. That being said, Wake is not the player he was last year or the year before. In year four or five or whatever of the Cameron Wake project he has actually regressed. His game, when he's at his best and virtually unstoppable off the edge, is about speed and leverage, tonight it looked like he was playing patty-cake with the mediocre Jets tackle Wayne Hunter all night, who in turn had no problem handling the attempted bull rushes of a player at least 50lbs lighter then he was.

Paul Solia: Outstanding on some plays, pushed around and less then mediocre on others, basically the story of his career.

Koa Misi: Our "run stopping" OLB who is terrible against the run.

Randy Starks: A fish out of water, we have no idea what to do with him and it seems like he's just cashing checks now.

Kendell Langford: An ok player who seems to retain a starting job by not screwing up about as much as he doesn't make plays.

Jared Odrick: I have nothing at all to say about him and thats not necessarily a good thing. I cant remember him being a part of this team at all.

Brian Hartline: What is it exactly you do on this team?

Devon Bess: If this stat was tracked i bet he would lead the NFL in 3rd down receptions that DID NOT result in a 1st down.

Brandon Marshall: YOU SUCK, CATCH THE FUCKING BALL. Can anyone explain why he just ran out of bounds tonight?

Reggie Bush: 1st quarter wonder. Is it that you have no stamina or the 'Fins have no idea how to properly use you? I still don't know. Why don't you return punts full time, whose call is that? Why don't they let you do what it is you do best in the NFL is a mystery to me.

Daniel Thomas: Good motor, you run hard but its only 5 games into your NFL career and you've already missed 40% of them, thats not encouraging. Plus ball security seems to be an issue.

Anthony Fasano: Well, your sample size this year seems to be positive. It appears the case of the "dropsies" that haunted you last season are gone. Unfortunately the front office isn't doing you any favors. I truely believe that if the 'Fins did what the should have done and acquired an elite pass catching TE like Zach Miller, Greg Olsen or Jeremy Shockey like they should have this past offseason and/or drafted Rob Gronkowski, Aaron Hernandez or Jimmy Graham last year , then you're combination of run blocking and pass catching skills would make you the best TE2 in the NFL. But because they didnt do any of that you are just mediocre at best and i am sorry about that.

Lex Hilliard: I have nothing negative to say about you. Every time i see you on the field it looks like you are playing hard, giving it your all and doing everything you can to stay on an NFL roster, I wish the rest of the Miami team played with half the passion you do.

Jake Long/Richie Incognito/Maukrice Pouncey/Vernon Carey/Marc Columbo aka the entire offensive line: Every one of your strengths is supposed to be run blocking yet Miami sucks at running the ball. 'Nuff said.

Matt Moore: You play like a backup quarterback and thats what you are.

Tony Sparano: You still look completely lost and overwhelmed as an NFL head coach and would have been fired already if not for the lockout. If he isn't the worst coach in the NFL then who is?

The Sick Twisted Crazy Fuck of the Week

I just wanted to rant about that sick evil fucking twisted fuck out in Norway. I hope when you're found guilty of being an absolute piece of scum so lowly and inhuman that we are no longer bound by laws of basic human decency that which you have already eschewed yourself and your sentence consists solely of manual labor, torture and butt-rape right up until you're put to death by alligator you miserable piece of shit. I hope the families and friends of your victims are all given a chance to urinate or defecate upon whatever of your remains are left and it's all broadcast live on per per view. I'll beleive in whatever religion you want me to if that guarantees me this piece of human excrement is tortured for eternity in the depths of some pit of hell.

Douche Bag of the Week

Congratulations Jerry Meals, your are this weeks winner, and only 2nd ever recipient of the Douche Bag of the Week award. Basically to sum up his accomplishment in short he butt fucked the lovable underdog of 2011 lowly Pittsburgh Pirates out of a potential epic, seasoning defining win by making one of the most horrocious safe calls at home I've ever fucking seen. Doesn't this cunt know I've got family in Pittsburgh and it's fucked up to do that to them? This is a really good article about it and how not having replay in baseball really is ridiculous. I mean really, I've already accepted the fact that a baseball game is gonna be 3 fucking hours long, you might as well make three hours and ten minutes and get the calls right so i don't feel like i just got a Louisville slugger up the ass after investing 6+ hours watching 19 innings of baseball only to see my team lose on a blown call that I coulda made from my couch at 2am. Fuck that.
http://sports.yahoo.com/mlb/news?slug=jp-passan_pirates_braves_blown_call_replay_072711

Also here's a good video, be sure to watch it all the way through

http://youtu.be/F2ZxC0qVHio

Douche Bag of the Week

Here is something new that I would like to try, The Douche Bag of the Week award. This weeks award goes to Kelly Morningstar, the chief of police in Midway, GA who demanded that 3 teenage girls, ages 10-14, shut down their lemonade stand because, and I quote,"We were not aware of how the lemonade was made, who made the lemonade, of what the lemonade was made with, so we acted accordingly by city ordinance." The article also mentions that city law requires a $50 a day permit to operate. What type of gestapo police state has this country become where cops, and not just any cops, but the chief of the whole department, are being used against pre-teen girls to crack down on their illegal lemonade stands? Whats next, make farting illegal? The three girls were just trying to raise enough money so they could go to a water park and escape this oppressive heat wave that seems to be engulfing the entire nation(seriously it's like we only have two climates nowadays, Hoth and Mustafar). It sounds like this guy needs to keep his eyes on the target and be reminded of who the friendlies are. And plus doesn't the name Kelly Morningstar sound like a a porn star who does all anal gang-bang scenes?

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/43769978/ns/us_news-weird_news/

And really, you don't know what the lemonade was made with? I wasn't even there, and I'm not even a cop, but I'm pretty sure that the main ingredients in lemonade are lemons, water and sugar. I mean, sure, you can fortify your Crystal Light with some crystal meth to give it a little extra kick if you want to, or maybe add some crack for flavor, but I'm pretty sure that would not be cost effective and thus counter-productive to these girl stated goals. Plus they're only little girls, where would they even get Meth and Crack? Are you trying to say that the town you are the chief of police in is so unsafe that you can't even trust the lemonade sold by 10 and 14 year old girls made because they potentially may have spiked it with the hard street drugs that they have no problem getting? And in order to be keep everyone safe, you need to personally shut down any and all lemonade stands? Is that really what you're trying to say? Because that's what i hear when i hear shit like this, that you're town is so unsafe and it's police department so inept, that you can't even trust the lemonade sold by 10 year old girls. Think about it, at worst, that statement is only half wrong and what does that say about your job performance as the chief of police?

I wonder if this cop is the commando douche bag sort who takes his job/life way too seriously and had a full on sting operation to crack down on the illegal lemonade stand-circuit-ring and has had undercovers making buys for days leading up to the bust and he probably tapped their phones too. On the day of the take down he went in alone but had snipers on the rooves and the SWAT team on standby. The article doesn't explicitly say that the chief fondled the girls as he stole their money but then again it doesn't not say it either, so there you have it, 'nuff said.

So here's to you officer Kelly "All-Anal" Morningstar, may your penis be severed in a freak tragic weed-whacking accident and go fuck yourself ya douche bag, you've earned it.

Thoughts and Observations

Mall pet stores are a great place to meet 12 yr old girls. Fat guys on motorcycles should always wear at least a t-shirt, especially if they're just some pussy on a crotch rocket. How come the DVD's that are about butt-fucking are so much louder then the ones that aren't? Abby Wambach gives great head. Twizzlers may "Make mouth happy" but they also make asshole angry, especially when they're sold by the pound. If you're really gonna name your restaurant "Burger Heaven" then you better at least be open well past nine. I've got the "Irish Curse" which means I don't get drunk, I just get more awesome. If you're over the age of 30 and your only means of transportation is a razor scooter or a BMX bicycle then you should kill yourself. Top 3 spam email subjects: 3, Drunken chicks stumble into the barn and get fucked. 2, Fat animal cum slut. (is it a regular chick fucking fat animals or vice versa? I don't know) 1, Watch the JV cheerleading squad take on the varsity football team. The funniest thing I've ever heard one woman yell at another in a fit of rage was, verbatim, "I will suck his dick all the time AND HE WILL LOVE IT!!!" How come Catholic schools seem to have rules about anything and everything except about not raping the kids? (Seriously, i went to catholic school and we weren't even allowed to get a drink of water from the water fountain while we were walking past it, and making out and heavy petting will get you to hell but an 8 yr old giving a priest a full service naked rub down is okay?) I was watching a prison documentary on the Discovery Channel that showed a woman behind bars who makes greeting cards out of tampons. I'd really hate to be her Valentine. The 50's were awesome because there were no such thing as date-rape, only prudes and misunderstandings.

Pic:

Fuckin' Dunkin' Donuts Man

God damn they suck so fucking bad. I fucking hate them and want to destroy them Incredible Hulk style with my bare monstrous green hands those fuckshits. Every fucking time they screw up your order I don't know why i kept going back to them. I'm fucking done i cant stand it anymore i hope they all die of gonorrhea and rot in hell. I actually went to their websites "contact us" section and sent them this. This is only the second time in my life that i've been so annoyed with how terrible something is that i actually went to their website and made a complaint. Coincidentally it was also D&D so fuck those baby raping fuckshits. Below is what i sent them. On a side note, you know how you know that your blog sucks? It not even saved as a favorite on your wife's computer.

"This store is so terrible that not only will I never frequent another D&D again but also I feel i have to write this b/c you need to be aware of how awful it is. I order the same thing every time, Sausage & cheese on an everything bagel w/an iced french vanilla coffee w/ milk sugar and a turbo shot. 4 out of the last 5 times I went to this store there was a problem with it. 1st, I got egg and cheese no sausage (despite the fact that i was asked no less than 3 times what I ordered b/c he "forgot"), 2nd, what appeared to be strawberry cream cheese on a bagel, 3rd I sat in the drive thru waiting for 5 mins as i watched 3 employees flirting with eachother b4 one of them realized they forgot to give me my coffee. Today, no turbo shot even though i was charged for it. I don't know what type of standard you hold your employees too but its not very high b/c every time it's someone different screwing up so the fault lies not with them but whoever hires, trains, supervises them etc. In short, you suck."

That was sent to them today from a Jeffrey Lebowski who resides at 69 Effyurmudda Way.

Oh yea and PS, of course D&D does not actually rape babies...not to the best of my knowledge at least. Random pic:

You know what i hate?

When some bullshit ginormous conglomerate company can't come up with their own original idea so they use someone else's awesome but obscure music to make it's otherwise mediocre at best commercial seem much cooler then it really is because people only consider it cool in the first place because of it's awesome music. Which in turn the bullshit motherfuckin' company tries to pawn off as it's own because they never pay homage to the original artist themselves during said commercial. Two major offenders i can think of right off the top of my head without even trying to are Viagra's use of Howlin' Wolf's "Smokestack Lightning" and Jeep's Johnny Cash's "God's Gonna Cut You Down". Fuck them, those commercials suck balls and the only descent things about them is the music. Both companies should have more then enough money to produce completely original commercials that don't suck without having to leech off someone else's original art to do so, that's horseshit.

Miss Plus USA

Recently i watched a documentary about the Miss Plus USA Pageant on the NatGeo channel. Their slogan was "They can do anything a skinny girl can PLUS." Yeah anything but fit into their (the skinny girls) clothes. Which is exactly why their pageant can only be found on the National Geographic Channel.

They further explained that another difference (although they acted like it was the biggest difference. but who are they kidding?) between the regular Miss USA and Miss Plus was that in the Plus pageant 50% of the contestants scores came from a double elimination pie eating contest. Na just kidding, (but wouldn't that be awesome?) they came from a thorough question and answer interview segment. My first thought was "god i hope that replaced the swimsuit portion" and my second was to wonder if the subject of world hunger or childhood obesiety ever came up in one of those interviews and if so was it just another elephant in the room?"

It also posed the question "Are plus size pageants reshaping the way we define beauty?" and i can tell you with absolute certainty after watch all 60 minutes of the documentary the answer is definitely: No fucking way. Come on, you know It's all bullshit anyway, the least fattest chick always wins. It's like even they are saying that they beleive people of all shapes and sizes are beautiful..To a point.

Not so random pics: