I'm sorry, did i miss a memo or something? When did Arizona become the redneck capital of the world? Who woulda thought that Arizona of all places would be this country's leading producer of dumb-stupid-moronic-ignorant rednecks who scarcely deserve the air they breathe? Because if i had to guess, i woulda said that it woulda been Arkansas or somewhere like that. But no, I'm wrong, its definitely Arizona. By far it has become the preeminent breeding ground for the stupidest bunch of motherfuckers this country has to offer. Did Arizona legalize brother-sister fucking and it somehow went under the wire? Think I'm wrong? I beg to differ, read below.
http://abcnews.go.com/US/arizona-neo-nazi-sheriff-candidate-killed-family/story?id=16269803
http://sports.yahoo.com/blogs/highschool-prep-rally/lady-sorrows-ariz-baseball-team-forfeits-state-title-041333504.html
http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/sns-rt-us-usa-immigration-arizonabre8491k5-20120510,0,1652084.story
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/01/08/gabrielle-giffords-shot-c_n_806211.html
Saturday, May 12, 2012
70-year-old virgin seeks wealthy mate
http://blogs.ajc.com/news-to-me/2012/05/11/70-year-old-virgin-seeks-wealthy-mate/?cxntlid=thbz_hm
To me this is the same scenario as the dude who refused to sell his issue of Superman #75 (the one where he dies) outside of Charlie's Comix for $100 after he just paid only $10 for it because he thought "its gunna be worth a lot of money some day". Then 20 years later he's forced to sell it for $9 and handjob. And he's the one that got a handful of cock. Sorry “Sexational Pam” but not everthing appreciates with age, you gotta learn the art of "selling high."
I wouldn't touch your crusty old vergina even if i were compensated handsomely to do so. Your fuck-hole is probably riddled with ancient STD's like "bubonic taint" or "twatrotis" that haven't even been checked for in a century. And not only are you old and gross but i also contend that you are a lying gold digging motherfucking whore. Do you really expect me to believe that you had a shot at fucking Englebert Humperdinck and you actually turned it down? Bullshit. Good luck trying to snowball some dude into your dried up old cooch and I hope you die before I ever have to hear your name again. Really, what whore passes up Englebert Humperdinck's dick? LIAR!
To me this is the same scenario as the dude who refused to sell his issue of Superman #75 (the one where he dies) outside of Charlie's Comix for $100 after he just paid only $10 for it because he thought "its gunna be worth a lot of money some day". Then 20 years later he's forced to sell it for $9 and handjob. And he's the one that got a handful of cock. Sorry “Sexational Pam” but not everthing appreciates with age, you gotta learn the art of "selling high."
I wouldn't touch your crusty old vergina even if i were compensated handsomely to do so. Your fuck-hole is probably riddled with ancient STD's like "bubonic taint" or "twatrotis" that haven't even been checked for in a century. And not only are you old and gross but i also contend that you are a lying gold digging motherfucking whore. Do you really expect me to believe that you had a shot at fucking Englebert Humperdinck and you actually turned it down? Bullshit. Good luck trying to snowball some dude into your dried up old cooch and I hope you die before I ever have to hear your name again. Really, what whore passes up Englebert Humperdinck's dick? LIAR!
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
"Hop-Ruiter"-De Scheldebrowerij
Name: Hop-Ruiter
Maker: De Scheldebrowerij
Loc: Meer, Belgium
Type: Belgian Ale, Blond Hoppy Beer
Color: Yellow, Cloudy
Size: 1pt 9.4fl oz
A/V: 8%
Label: 10/10 Very cool to both read and look at
Review: I would absolutely buy this beer again. I can not think of a situation where I wouldn't want to drink Hop-Ruiter. The label says its a "hoppy-wheat" beer and I'd say that is absolutely true. It is a bit more wheat then hoppy, which to me is part of why its so good. This is just a good motherfucking beer that i will purchase as often as possible. I can picture both William Wallace and Batman being big fans of Hop-Ruiter. This is what Samwise was drinking the night he proposed to Rosie and I am sure the Double-Deuce had it on tap. As a general rule of thumb, if its Belgian then its probably pretty good.
10/10 Fucking Outstanding.
www.belgianexperts.com
Maker: De Scheldebrowerij
Loc: Meer, Belgium
Type: Belgian Ale, Blond Hoppy Beer
Color: Yellow, Cloudy
Size: 1pt 9.4fl oz
A/V: 8%
Label: 10/10 Very cool to both read and look at
Review: I would absolutely buy this beer again. I can not think of a situation where I wouldn't want to drink Hop-Ruiter. The label says its a "hoppy-wheat" beer and I'd say that is absolutely true. It is a bit more wheat then hoppy, which to me is part of why its so good. This is just a good motherfucking beer that i will purchase as often as possible. I can picture both William Wallace and Batman being big fans of Hop-Ruiter. This is what Samwise was drinking the night he proposed to Rosie and I am sure the Double-Deuce had it on tap. As a general rule of thumb, if its Belgian then its probably pretty good.
10/10 Fucking Outstanding.
www.belgianexperts.com
Weird thoughts...
Where do they come from? The other night i told a friend a mine about how i recently got a telemarketer to hang up on me after i told her that she interrupted me from training my pet spider monkey how to not try and peel my uncircumcised penis like a banana. His response was, "Oh my god, what the fuck is wrong with you? How do these thoughts enter your mind?"
And i thought about that for a minute, and i really don't know. It just came to me, i didn't really have to think about it. It was just another weird thought I had. Where do weird thoughts in general come from, funny or otherwise? That's what i wanna know.
I remember this one time i was outside hanging out by myself reading, and no one was really around, then all of a sudden, out of nowhere, i suddenly had the thought that i should jerkoff. And i immediately knew that was weird, but where it came from or why, I have no idea. And of course i didn't jerkoff, I'm not an animal, I don't have to act on every thought I have, but that doesn't mean I didn't have it.
If I knew where weird thoughts came from and how to control them then I'd probably rule the world by now. But since I don't, I'm just another weird white guy that frightens Asian women.
And i thought about that for a minute, and i really don't know. It just came to me, i didn't really have to think about it. It was just another weird thought I had. Where do weird thoughts in general come from, funny or otherwise? That's what i wanna know.
I remember this one time i was outside hanging out by myself reading, and no one was really around, then all of a sudden, out of nowhere, i suddenly had the thought that i should jerkoff. And i immediately knew that was weird, but where it came from or why, I have no idea. And of course i didn't jerkoff, I'm not an animal, I don't have to act on every thought I have, but that doesn't mean I didn't have it.
If I knew where weird thoughts came from and how to control them then I'd probably rule the world by now. But since I don't, I'm just another weird white guy that frightens Asian women.
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
"Baltic Thunder"-Victory Brew Co
Name: Baltic Thunder
Maker: Victroy Brewing Co.
Loc: Downington, PA
Type: Porter (Baltic style)
Color: Black
Size: 1 PT 6FL OZ
Alc by Vol: 8.5%
Label: 7/10 Cool enough to make me notice it
Review: Brought a nice unique flavor to a style of beer (porter) that I am familiar with. It was not just another porter but at the same time was not too far gone from being a porter that it was too weird/different/ecclectic for my taste (like the crem brulee flavored one that my wife bought me once that was so sickly sweet and awful i can only describe it as tasting like liquid easter candy).
Baltic Thunder is a very solid beer that i can easily see myself being able to drink several of in a sitting and potentially in abundance. Its a light-tasting, clean porter that does not linger like some heavier porters have a tendancy to do. It is as refreshing as a porter can be.
To me this is the type of beer that would have been served in the better taverns of Middle Earth. The cool ones at least. I could easily see myself having a few pints of this either after a long day of kicking ass on the battlefield with my gigantic battle axe (or mace) or after a long day of peasant work out in the fields. Either way its a mans beer and a damn good one. 8/10 Kick ass
Maker: Victroy Brewing Co.
Loc: Downington, PA
Type: Porter (Baltic style)
Color: Black
Size: 1 PT 6FL OZ
Alc by Vol: 8.5%
Label: 7/10 Cool enough to make me notice it
Review: Brought a nice unique flavor to a style of beer (porter) that I am familiar with. It was not just another porter but at the same time was not too far gone from being a porter that it was too weird/different/ecclectic for my taste (like the crem brulee flavored one that my wife bought me once that was so sickly sweet and awful i can only describe it as tasting like liquid easter candy).
Baltic Thunder is a very solid beer that i can easily see myself being able to drink several of in a sitting and potentially in abundance. Its a light-tasting, clean porter that does not linger like some heavier porters have a tendancy to do. It is as refreshing as a porter can be.
To me this is the type of beer that would have been served in the better taverns of Middle Earth. The cool ones at least. I could easily see myself having a few pints of this either after a long day of kicking ass on the battlefield with my gigantic battle axe (or mace) or after a long day of peasant work out in the fields. Either way its a mans beer and a damn good one. 8/10 Kick ass
Beer Basket
So I won a basket of beer in an auction at a cancer benefit. And since the name of this blog is "1,000 Beers" I figured it would be a good idea to blog about each beer. They are all micro-brews in the (mostly) 25oz and $10 a bottle range. I don't have the most educated palat but I'll try (I don't even know how to fucking spell palat but you know what I mean). I will also try to not be a douche bag about it. So here goes...
Friday, March 30, 2012
Jim Beam Devil's Cut = Worst Thing to Happen to Rednecks Since Crystal Meth
Has anyone seen the commercials for this new bourbon called "Devil's Cut"? Apparently the folks over at Jim Beam found a way to extract the bourbon that was trapped within the wood of the barrel resulting in a new 90 proof product.
Yeah, because that's what rednecks really needed in their bourbon, more bourbon. You don't have to be Yoda to foresee an increase of DWI's, belt-beatings and brother-sister-cousin fucking in Kentucky's near future.
Yeah, because that's what rednecks really needed in their bourbon, more bourbon. You don't have to be Yoda to foresee an increase of DWI's, belt-beatings and brother-sister-cousin fucking in Kentucky's near future.
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